Juveniles and drugs

“Although recent trends in youth drug use have shown the first significant downturn in usage level, they remain at high levels, and it has been shown that the earlier drug use is initiated, the more likely a person is to develop drug problems later in life.

“Youth substance abuse can lead to many other problems, including the development of delinquent behavior, antisocial attitudes and health-related issues.  These problems not only affect the child, but can also influence the child’s family, community and ultimately society.

“Recent trends in youth drug use have shown a significant downturn in usage levels.  However, reducing youth drug use remains a key component of the President’s National Drug Control Strategy because studies have demonstrated that the earlier drug use is initiated, the more likely a person is to develop drug problems later in life.

“According to the 2008 Monitoring the Future study, 19.6 percent of eighth graders, 34.1 percent of 10th graders and 47.4 percent of 12th graders reported using any illicit drug within their lifetimes….

“Persistent substance abuse by young people often leads to academic difficulties, health-related problems (including mental health), poor peer relationships and involvement with the juvenile justice system.  Additionally, there are consequences for family members, the community and entire society.

“Mental health problems, including depression, developmental lags, apathy, withdrawal and other psychosocial dysfunctions, are frequently linked to substance abuse among adolescents.  Substance-abusing youth are at higher risk than nonusers for mental health problems, including depression, conduct problems, personality disorders, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide and suicide.  Marijuana use, which is prevalent among youth, has been shown to interfere with short-term memory, learning and psychomotor skills.  Motivation and psychosexual/emotional development also may be influenced.” – Elite Continuing Education

Juveniles playing /experimenting with illicit drugs does impact their live.  The increase of usage the more problems in their lives and emotions, the correlations are being found true in studies.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

Coaddicts grieving

“One of the first reactions of a grieving person is the denial of the loss of the loved one.  The loss of the relationship because of addictive involvement generates all those basic human processes involved at separation: hope, denial, anger, despair, and loneliness.  A grieving person resolves pain by acknowledging the loss and reconnecting with others.  Losing a loved one to addiction, however, has the potential of keeping one stuck in the early stages of grief and never coming to resolution.  The addict is still present in one’s life even though the loss of the relationship is real.

“Therein is the bind of the ‘coaddict,’ or the loved one or friend who becomes so involved in the life of the addict that he or she truly starts to participate in the same impaired mental processes of the addict.  As ‘courtship goes awry’ for the the addict, the grief cycle for the loved one, one also becomes distorted.  By definition, the addict replaces normal human relationships with sexual compulsiveness.  Loved ones feel the loss, try to deny it, and become angry, feeling despair and sometimes hope.  The coaddicts’ efforts to restore the relationship are not only ineffective, they can intensify and deepen the addictive system for the addict.  To compound the tragedy, coaddict will take actions which are self-destructive, degrading, or even profound violations of their own values.  Family members, as coaddicts, become part of the problem.  Hence the prefix co-.” – Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. in Out of the Shadows

Grief and loss are not the feelings that come to mind with family and spouses of addicts.  However, those are real feelings that coaddicts go through.  They haven’t lost the addict in a physical sense but the hopes and dreams for the relationship and the addict have died.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

Domestic violence study

“In the first major global review of violence against women, a series of reports released Thursday found that about a third of women have been physically or sexually assaulted by a former or current partner

“The head of the World Health Organization [WHO], Dr. Margaret Chan, called it ‘a global health problem of epidemic proportions,’ and other experts said screening for domestic violence should be added to all levels of health care.

“Among the findings: 40 percent of women killed worldwide were slain by an intimate partner, and being assaulted by a partner was the most common kind of violence experienced by women.

“Researchers used a broad definition of domestic violence, and in cases where country data was incomplete, estimates were used to fill in the gaps.  WHO defined physical violence as being slapped, pushed, punched, choked or attacked with weapon.  Sexual violence was defined as being physically forced to have sex for fear of what the partner might do and being compelled to do something sexual that was humiliating or degrading.

“The report also examined rates of sexual violence against women by someone other than a partner and found about 7 percent of women worldwide has previously been a victim.

“In conjunction with the report, WHO issued guidelines for authorities to spot problems earlier and said all health workers should be trained to recognize when women may be at risk and how to respond appropriately.

“Globally, the WHO review found 30 percent of women are affected by domestic or sexual violence by a partner.  The report was based largely on studies from 1983 to 2010.  According to the United Nations, more than 600 million women live in countries where domestic violence is not considered a crime.

“The rate of domestic violence against women was highest in Africa, the Middle East and Southeast Asia, where 37 percent of women experience physical or sexual violence from a partner at some point in their lifetimes.  The rate was 30 percent in Latin America and 23 percent in North America and 23 percent in North America.  In Europe and Asia, it was 25 percent.

“Some experts and screening for domestic violence should be added to all levels of health care, such as obstetric clinics.  ‘It’s unlikely that someone would walk into an ER and disclose they’ve been assaulted,’ said Sheila Sprague of McMaster University in Canada, who has researched domestic violence in women at orthopedic clinics.  She was not connected to the WHO report.” – Maria Cheng in The Associated Press

It is sad that this still goes on in this day and age.  The age where so many modern conveniences are available to all like cell phones that in relationships women are still minimized and fear is in the home with their partner/spouse.  The article doesn’t even mention how the children in the home are abused and live in fear because of what they see their mothers go through.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

The Impossible

A beautiful movie of love, tragedy and survival.

www. ReneeMadison.com

 

 

Avoiding endings

“Endings are necessary, but the truth is that we often do not do them well.  Although we need them for good results to happen in life and for bad situations to be resolved, the reality is that most of us humans often avoid them or botch them.

• We hang on too long when we should end something now.
• We do not know if an ending is actually necessary, or if ‘it’ or ‘he’ is fixable.
• We are afraid of the unknown.
• We fear confrontation.
• We are afraid of hurting someone.
• We are afraid of letting go and the sadness associated with an ending.
• We do not possess the skills to execute the ending.
• We do not even know the right words to use.
• We have had too many and too painful endings in our personal history, so we avoid another one.
• When they are forced upon us, we do not know how to process them, and we sink or flounder.
• We do not learn from them, so we repeat the same mistakes over and over.

“As you reflect on these reasons, can you think of any situations where these reasons have interfered with an ending you need to make?” – Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings

Above are many reasons that we avoid ending things that we should end.  We tend to avoid pain rather than do the healthy ending.  And many times it just prolongs the inevitable.

Some of us end things too quickly rather than seeing them through.  The wisdom is to know the difference of what to end and what not to end.  Neither are easy decisions to make.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

 

 

A time to end

“Endings are also an important factor in our personal lives.  There are relationships that should go away, practices and phases that must be relinquished, and life stages that should come to an end to open up the space for the next time.  A breakup, an ending of some friendships or activities, or an unplugging from some commitments often signals the beginning of a whole new life.  It is a necessary step I refer to as pruning….

“Some endings are not a next natural step but are just as necessary.  We wish they weren’t, but they are.  They come about not in pursuit of growth to the next level, but because something has gone wrong.  It’s been said that some things die and some things need to be killed.

“In a personal realm, we can get stuck in situations or relationships that are hurtful, problematic, or toxic and must be ended.  Or sometimes it is not relationships we need to end but behaviors–destructive patterns and practices that hold us back.  In many contexts, until we let go of what is not good, we will never find something that is good.  The lesson: good cannot begin until bad ends.

“In both normal life and life gone wrong, endings are a necessity.  As the Byrds reminding us in their Sixties song ‘Turn, Turn, Turn,’ there is a season for everything.  Taken from Ecclesiastes,m the message is that there is a season for things to begin and a season for them to end, and that’s how life works.  Perhaps you have heard or read this famous passage many times, but take another look and focus your attention on the prevalent role of endings throughout:

“There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and time for peace.

“Endings are not only part of life, they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally.  Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time.  Refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing down, heating what we once cherished–all are necessary.  Endings are the reason you are not married to your prom date nor still working in your first job.  But without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck, and fail to reach our goals and dreams.  Or worse we remain in painful and sometimes destructive situations.  Endings are crucial, but we rarely like them.  Hence the problem.”  – Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings.

A time to end.  Endings are necessary at times.   The above song by the Byrds is about how life works as confusing as it sometimes is.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

 

 

Endings are natural

“Today may be the enemy of your tomorrow.

“In your business and perhaps your life, the tomorrow that you desire and envision may never come to pass if you do not end some things you are doing today.  For some people, that is clear and easy to execute.   They end the things that are holding them back.  For others it is more difficult….

“Endings are a natural part of the universe, and your life and business must face them, stagnate, or die.  They are an inherent reality….  There are different kinds of endings and that learning how to tell one form the other will ensure some successes and prevent many failures and much misery, ending substantial pain and turmoil that you or your business may now be encountering.” Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings

Most endings are hard to do, hard to walk through and seem not necessary.  However, when we hold on to the situations, people or things when we need to let go of them we can then experience new growth.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

Choose worthwhile activities

“As you move toward being fully engaged, you may have to ask yourself, What have I been giving my time to?  If you are spending all your time in mind-numbing activities, it is time to stop those and ‘wake up.’  Pick some things  to do that are worth your full engagement and will invite you to be there.  You will be much more fully alive….

“Ask God what is next for you.  It may be something new that stretches you into a flow experience.  Or it may mean getting engaged in what is right before you.  Perhaps you need to reorganize your job description or career so that you spend more time doing what you are best at and what engages you to the max.  Research shows that businesses that use their people that way have the best performance.  Work with your boss to maximize your gifts.

“Either way, whether it is showing up more in what you are already doing, or doing some new tasks, do not let time just slowly go by.  Make it go away, as you taste a bit of heaven by living a fully engaged life.”  – Dr. Henry Cloud in The Law of Happiness

Living purposeful, not just wasting away is life giving.  When we do a depressing life then we get depressed.  When we are doing worthwhile activities we have passion for life.  Setting goals and living purposeful brings us more fully alive.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

Accepting a compliment

“Nearly everyone who is asked, ‘What is the proper response to a compliment?’ replies, ‘Say ‘thank you.”  But when actually offered a compliment, only a third of people accept it so simply and smoothly, found linguist Robert Herbert of Binghamton University.

“The difficulty lies in the fact that a compliment (‘What a nice sweater!’) has two levels: a gift component (accept or reject) and a content component (agree or disagree).  The addressee is confronted with a  dilemma–how to respond simultaneously to both: ‘I must agree with the speaker and thank him for the gift of a compliment while avoiding self-praise.’

“Contrary to conventional wisdom, women aren’t worse than men at accepting compliments.  It is the gender of the compliment-giver that most influences the response.  Women and men are both more likely to accept a compliment coming from a man than from a woman.  When a man says, ‘Nice scarf,” a woman is more likely to respond affirmatively.  ‘Thanks, my sister knitted it for me.’

“But when one woman tells another, ‘That’s a beautiful sweater,’ she is likely to demur or deflect: ‘It was on sale at Walmart, and they didn’t even have the color I wanted.’  Such a response, intended to make the complimenter feel that recipient isn’t overly proud, only makes her feel awkward or invalidated instead.

“Compliments can expose a wide range of social ineptitude.  Responses Herbert recorded include ‘praise upgrades’ (‘Yes, it really brings out the blue in my eyes’), follow-up questions (‘Do you really think so?  Do you want to borrow it?’) and disagreement (‘it’s itchy, I hate it’).  Better to make a relevant, related comment (‘Thanks, it’s my favorite’).  But nothing tops a smile, looking the complimenter in the eye, and saying, ‘Thank you.'” – Mary Loftus in Psychology Today March/April 2013

We can make others feel bad when they compliment us.  Learning how to take a compliment can do wonders for our relationships.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com

Happy people pursue goals

“And remember, life is about the big picture and the small; life goals, five-year goals, yearly goals, monthly, weekly, and daily goals.  I love to not only think about the big picture in my life and work, for the small goals as well….

“And that day will be added to other days that will give me a week’s success, a month’s success, and so on….

“Make your goals specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely, commonly known as SMART goals.  Dream big, but make that big dream something real that is able to be attained, measured, and can fit into the real world of time and deadlines.  Real, attainable, and structural goals will engage you and help you feel successful along the way.

“God made you like him, a person who is creative, has talents, brains, and abilities, and can see into a future that does not yet exist.  Goals will help you bring all those together.  Create your dreams, large and small, and engage your talents and abilities to create the tomorrow that you envision.  It will definitely add to your happiness.” – Henry Cloud in The Law of Happiness

We need things to look forward to.  Goals, long and short term give us a reason to get moving.

http://www.ReneeMadison.com